Cover Letter Vocabulary

I recently received a cover letter that knocked me for a loop.  Word for word (with the exception of the names), as it was received is as follows:

“Joe Smith asked that I would get in touch with you as he and I both feel I would be the perfect acquisition for Company ABC.  The culmination of my eclectic back ground would allow for a seamless integration into the Company work force.  Please review my attached resume with intrigue and excitement.   Joe further said that Company ABC will be at an International Trade Shwo in Sand Frnsico, CA next week. I’m willing to fly down and meet with you and the President one on one.  I could then assist and work the show with Joe, which will afford a first hand look at my interpersonal skills.    Keep this in mind, it will only take a spark to start a fire, and I’m a never ending firework.” 

While it sounds somewhat like this was run through a language translator from something into English or someone using English as a second language, the degree and all work experience were from this country.

With the exception of “Talent Acquisition” I’ve never seen the use of the word acquisition in reference to an application.  I prefer to think you’re being hired, not acquired.

Eclectic backgrounds are interesting but I don’t know anyone who reads a resume with “intrigue and excitement.”

Two spelling mistakes in the same sentence.

And last, but not least, I’m not sure anyone really wants to hire a firework.

While some people do not even read cover letters, it is better to write one as professionally as possible, just in case.